When People Say Thoughtless Things To Someone with a Serious Illness

Healthy lifestyle concept. Diet and fitnessI once had a relative who is also a nurse say, “I know someone who has what you have and survived. Let me put you in touch with her.”  While it’s great to have support, everyone’s journey is their own. No two cancer patients go through the same thing. It shocked me to learn there were so many different types of breast cancer. And I have the rarest and deadliest.

Everybody does cancer differently. Each has their own way to deal with it. One of the worst things to hear is that a positive attitude is a MUST. Does that mean that all the millions of people who have died from cancer didn’t live up to someone’s idea of positive thinking?

You just have stay positive. You can beat it!


We need to TRY to stay positive, because it can make us feel better. It doesn’t necessarily cure cancer. Taking a few precious moments to have fun with loved ones can do a world of good. But will it shrink a tumor, or stop metastasis? Sure there are miracles, but I don’t think that’s encouraging. I just want to do the best I can do. I don’t want to feel I’ve allowed myself to die because I didn’t have a good enough attitude. Or I didn’t have enough faith.

MY attitude is just fine. MY faith is fine. And don’t tell I’m not considering the long-haul of a matter. My long-haul could be only weeks. It could be months, if I’m lucky. A year, if I’m really lucky. Years, if I’m really, really, really lucky. I’ve already had three years when 50% get six months.

Saying positive changes the quality of days one has, but not necessarily the number of days one has to live.

Dismissing the seriousness of someone who has a Stage 4 diagnosis is in poor taste. I once had a relative tell me I was acting like a drama queen… She taught me a wonderful lesson: It can’t get much worse than that.

So now if someone says something minor, I might stew about it a little, but I let it go.

Here’s a great blog to learn what NOT to say. http://lisabadams.com/2013/02/27/the-stupid-things-people-say-to-people-with-cancertheir-families/

I have a friend who sends me fairies…via FB…it can be a simple as that.




Did I forget I’m a Writer? New Release!


mybookI released a book through Amazon last month under this name! And three more under my other writing name. But it appears I’ve neglected to mention it here.

It’s a bargain at 99 cents.

Jax and the Corporate Giant

Jax knows she’s the joke of her late father’s prestigious company as she stirs to bring down the CEO, Ben Stalk. She didn’t climb the corporate ladder only to be denied her birthright. So what if Ben is not only a brilliant business giant, he drop dead gorgeous. Jax isn’t looking for love…
Ben is about to close the biggest venture of his life, if only he can keep Jax from discovering his secret. For eight years he’s walked on eggshells around her, but this time, the stakes have never been higher. He can outmaneuver her, but can he control his heart?
Review: http://longandshortreviews.blogspot.com/2011/10/jax-and-corporate-giant-by-judi-thoman.html

Dear Friends and Loved Ones During Hard Times #showingyoucare #thankyou

Childs Primitive Crayon Drawing of a Family of 5 People With a Sun and RainbowIt’s good to be surrounded by people who care, and take the time to show it.

Only the second week of chemo and already my white count is in the toilet. That meant on the second day after, I had to get a Neulasta shot which mimics flu like symptoms with mood swings. One minute I’m baking and singing in the kitchen and then next I’m fussing with Payton…my 12 year old caregiver grandson who is having a meltdown because he isn’t getting an answer from my dear friend Lahoma who is also here. Or so we thought at the time, later we learned what the true source of his angst was. (Our secret.)

Lahoma has been my best friend since the beginning of the 9th grade. We were Lavern and Shirley before their TV creation. We would link arms doing the T-Berry Shuffle down the halls of our high school while harmonizing to one country tune or another. The summer between our junior and senior year, we were carhops together. For the most part, after growing up we lived across the country from one another, but the deep and abiding love and loyalty was always there.

Now here she is, once again, helping me through another of life’s moments…

Poor Lahoma, is dealing with a my cancer treatments not going well and Payton’s Aspergers. But she’s a trouper!  Having people who understand the emotional aspects of cancer are as important as the physical symptoms. Just this week, I’ve been blessed having her here doing little daily miracles. In addition to taking care of me, cheering me up, taking me to the clinic two days in a row, she hired a landscaper to tame the yard which had gotten away from us. And I’m awaiting the delivery of a swing for my back porch from her.

In addition, I received two packages, one from my dear friend Tina Gerow which contained a book of devotions. My daughter sent me a huge bag of Coconut flour and Peppermint moisturizing cream. It’s always fun to see what’s in a package! Thanks, you two.

Since he moved in after the end of the school year, my Payton has been a daily source of joy and comfort. He’s been diligent in his care which takes the pressure off of my dear husband who isn’t handling this second round emotionally as well as he did the first.

And the all of the cyber hugs and prayers have been a blessing. The many, many, many folks on Triberr were absolutely amazing! Facebook, and Twitter and all of the other social outlets have been a source of encouragement and place to feel the loving light from so many others.

So to those of you who have reached out…my deepest thanks. I appreciate it more than words can say.

The Great Search for Grapes with Seeds a KILLER of #Cancer #Inflammartorybrestcancer

Depositphotos_3777121_lsmWhy do I want grapes with seeds? A long time ago there was a cure called the “grape cure”. People would drink water for 12 hours and then break their fast by eating grape mush. Or mashed grapes with seeds.


Remember, I told you cancer cells party on sugar. PaarrTay!  After starving them for 12 hours and they then sending them a sugary treat like mashed grapes…well you’ve just gotten them all excited. They gobble  the treat!  Ha!

Inside the seed and dark grape skin, is resveratrol and that is the killer of cancer. One source I’ll link claimed it’s great for late stage cancers. http://www.activistpost.com/2013/03/grape-seed-extract-may-beat-chemo-in.html

So this is my thought…why wait until you’re like me…late stage incurable cancer? Frozen red grapes with seeds, thrown in your Vitamx with a little water in the morning after a long nights natural fast will keep you healthy!  In the Vitamix the seeds completely disappear in the frozen slushy goodness.

And guess what…grapes are good for whole lot of other stuff!

However, I just spent days searching for grapes with seeds. We ended up driving thirty miles last evening to fine one little bag!  I NEED GRAPES! With seeds please.. 🙂



Turmeric as the Killer of Cancer! #cancer #breastcancer #cancersucks

Depositphotos_6209714_originalsmWhen I first start using Turmeric, I mainly used it on fish and chicken. I didn’t care for the taste. Then a few months ago, I took it more seriously, using a capsule with 370mg of organic turmeric rhizome, 80mg turmeric extract and 50mg organic ginger rhizome. In the bottle it says,” nourishes & cleanses the blood and lymph system and promotes a healthy inflammation and immune response.”

Ohio State University recently published Curcumin Trial Reveals Broad Benefits in which this statement was made…”However, supplemental curcumin is not well-absorbed … unless its uptake is enhanced by one of several means, such as the addition of turmeric essential oils.”

Another study that’s been around awhile says,”It’s just that turmeric—the bright-yellow constituent in curry spice blends—appears to be one of the most promising anti-Alzheimer’s foods yet found.” Turmeric Power, Part II: Curry Spice May Curb Alzheimer’s

I read somewhere that the average Asian person consumes about 1,000 milligrams per day. And each type of cancer accepts the benefits of turmeric at different rates, or perhaps not at all. And as I said in an earlier post, because I’m undergoing cancer treatment I had to check with my doctor before I continued taking Turmeric.

So whether or not turmeric is indeed a killer of cancer…I’m buying into the hype.

If you type “cancer killers” into Google…you’ll often find turmeric on the lists.


Eating Right with Cancer and WHY?

Healthy lifestyle concept. Diet and fitnessI know someone going through cancer who asked her doctor about a certain food and was told that in moderation it was fine. I so wanted to say something, but a patient’s trust in their doctor is very important. But this is also showed me that I need to start sharing what I’ve learned.

I’ve invested countless hours on this research, and talked to a plethora of authoritative people on the subject.

For the Liver:

I’m starting every morning with the frozen grapes including seeds + a lemon + fresh baby spinach leaves + filtered water in my Vitamix. I read it’s good to start the morning with a lemon for the liver. (My breast cancer metastasized to the liver)

I end each evening with carrot juice, also very good for the liver. And all of the above are great cancer fighters, two of them are KILLERS.

I learned yesterday that grapefruit cleanses the liver, so I’m including that. Green tea is good for both for liver and cancer…I’m doing that.

Avocados are both good for the liver and cancer.

Walnuts are on the list for cancer and liver but they have to completely macerated. I have to experiment.

Apples. Calciferous vegetables, broccoli, cauliflower and Brussels sprouts…all dependent on if I can find them organic.

Cabbage…especially red cabbage.

I put the leafy greens in my drinks. Beet juice is also good for liver too. I can do beet juice only if I add pineapple. Another thing beet juice will do is lower the blood pressure within 24 hours. My husband, my best friend Lahoma and I did an experiment on this a couple of weeks ago.

Whole grains for liver…that one has me a little stumped since I don’t do many whole grain. I need to find a hot organic cereal with flax seed, etc.

The number 1 good food for the liver is garlic. We buy the jars of minced organic.

Five Best Cancer Killers: 

1. Turmeric (Killer!)

2. Grapes with seeds (Killer!)

3.Green Tea (Killer!)

4. Tomatoes (Killer!)

5. Raw fruit and vegetables (Killer!)

Top Ten Inflammatory fighters 

1. pineapple

2. cherries

3 apples

4. papaya

5. almonds

6 walnuts

7. ginger

8 turmeric

9. spinach

10 sweet potato

I have to worry about my white blood cell count.
Foods to boost white blood count:
active cultures, Kefir, yorgurt, (Not too much because the liver will have to work harder)
shiitake mushrooms (One of the chemos I took last time had shiitake mushrooms as a component)
Pumpkin and squash seeds, (I buy them without the shell and as an added bonus, pumpkin seeds are a natural sleeping pill.)
Orange foods… carrots, melons, oranges, orange bell peppers, etc.,
Saying that foods will boost your white blood count is a controversial subject I’ve discovered…I’m beginning to lose count of the nurses who want to argue about it.
Foods to boost Platelet count:
Wild salmon (No Farm Raised!)
flax seed oil
cod liver oil
organic grown tomatoes
papaya leaf extract
There are foods that are a MUST NOT EAT because they feed cancer…they make cancer happy!
processed foods…anything that says Monosodium Glutamate, or Sodium Nitrate or Nitrates make cancer cells jump for joy!
White flour and all refined grains
Pasta (unless it’s made with a good substitute, like Quinoa. There are some great pastas made with it!)
Sugar and all sugar substitutes…cancer throws a party when fed sugar. There’s enough natural sugar in food without adding the party-favor kind of sugar.
Hydrogenated and partially hydrogenated oils
Fried food
http://www.naturalnews.com/021808_cancer_prevention.html is a more comprehensive I’m adding links since I’m doing this off-the-cuff…
One last thing…the number one killer was turmeric. Yesterday, on my first day back in chemo, I had to give a list of everything I was using; meds, vitamins, herbs, etc.  So I showed my doctor the Turmeric capsules I’d started taking and she checked with another doctor about it. She came back telling me that not only was it fine, OSU had started a study on Turmeric as a cancer killer! So I’m doubling my dose!
Nothing with sugar added, white flour, monosodium glutamte, nothing processed, cheese and dairy can be hard on the liver so I have to limit it, no nutmeg it’s bad with the liver, (and I used it)

For protein:I use organic eggs, chicken and beef wild salmon, and mercury-free tuna. If it’s not organic or farm fresh without additives than no thanks. I occasionally use legumes, but not often and I need to adjust this behavior.

Why should you care about this if you don’t have cancer? They numbers suggest that 1 in every 2 men will have cancer in their lifetime, and 1 in 3 women. The current generation is the first who will not live as long or as healthy.  Any suggestions or comments appreciated.

Because the First Day of Chemo is so STINKING scary!

Regulating an IV dripEven my second time around…I had the first day jitters. I couldn’t sleep the night before. When I went the first time I didn’t really have clue what to expect. So I’m going to talk about what happens in case anyone out there is searching for the answer.

1. Check in…they have to know how they are getting paid.

2. I get weighed, temperature taken and blood pressure recorded.

3. I’m taken to a room where blood samples are taken. If I had a port they would use it. However, during my first chemo sessions almost two years ago to the day, I only got to use the port twice before it was accidentally discovered I had a blood clot. That meant that for 6 months I Blood in test tubes and results close uphad to give myself shots in the stomach because someone failed to flush it properly. So they use my veins the wold fashioned way.

4. I go visit the doctor…not every time, but every other. They update my chart and answer any questions I may have. On this first visit I was supposed to be given a shot for the cancer in my hip. I had to have three teeth pulled for them to consider giving it to me because of the side affect. The doctor says: “Only 1 in 1,000 have the side affect.” I just gave her “THE LOOK”!  At which point she laughed and said, “Yeah, I guess you haven’t had such good luck with the odds so far.” The odds of getting Inflammatory Breast Cancer is about 1%.  Out of what…how many cases of breast cancer are there? Millions…oh yeah.. So even after having the teeth pulled I declined the treatment for now.

Yes, you can say no.

5. The chemo room.  My insurance gives me a private room with chairs for two guests. (You know the insurance that puts me a little deeper in debt each year until I never think I can catch up) Every chemo is different. This is my 5th kind. With this one I had to take anti-nausea meds and an IV for 1/2 hour before the chemo began. This chemo is known for hurting as it goes in…next time I’m asking for pain meds too, because it burned like hades. I did, however, eventually fall asleep. Sometime they put you in a chair, sometimes a bed. Now that I know this chemo is one I WANT to sleep through, I’ll request a bed.  Some are a breeze.

This was the first time the chemo hurt. On the good side…here I sit the day after, writing my SECOND blog post!  I made lunch for everyone, I trimmed some hedges…and after this I plan to force myself to rest! I was just a little nauseated last night, but a single tiny pill took care of it and put me to sleep.

Any questions…I’ll try to answer or get the answer for you.

A Review for Silken Prey by John Sandford

Lucas Davenport has long been one of my favorite characters. It’s like coming home to pick up a new read in the Prey series. Silken Prey started out so slow that I became anxious…could this possibly be a book in the series I didn’t like?  By chapter three I was still wondering if I would stop reading. I’m not one to keep reading if the book hasn’t hooked me. However, somewhere into that chapter I submerged into the story.

Lucas Davenport, is an agent for the Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension (BAC), The state’s Governor asks Lucas to investigate a campaign scandal. Lucas doesn’t care for either candidate, and both campaigns are being run with a no-hold-barred attitude. How low will they go? Blackmail? Murder? Is it possible that the political system is corrupt enough to hide murder?

I’m not going into details since I hate spoilers. What I will say…this book came across as a realistic portrayal of life in the political arena. And the ending shocked me. However, it too seemed realistic.

As always, the story was rife with great one-liners to make the characters richer and so much fun!

The font on the book was painfully small and light. I pulled out some of my other copies and they seemed small but darker. Maybe that is just me getting older. I think it’s time to switch to Kindle with this series too. At least there I can adjust the font. Or maybe I go with audio…that’s a possibility.

LINK to Silken Prey

Blew Up my Blog and I Have Cancer AGAIN! #CancerSucks

catfishcookedPayton and I just finished cooking the catfish he caught this morning. Now he’s in the back yard feeding the fire pit twigs from the dead pine tree he cut down this afternoon…he’s kept me smiling today as I began to rebuild my blog.

I lost this entire blog the same day I posted about the return of my cancer. An omen? Or a fresh start? 🙂 I’m smiling, but I don’t understand why. When I took Payton fishing this morning, my car stopped running on top of a very big hill. I had to call Mike and Corey, the car was towed 20 miles, when AAA only paid for 3. And I’m still smiling. That’s life.

Since I have to start somewhere…this is the post that crashed my blog:

Man looking tiredly through the newspapers collageWhy hide the news?

I was reading the The Mansfield Killings by Scott Fields last night and became aggravated; not because of the author, but the murderer really burned me. It was a book I should NOT have picked up under the current circumstances.

On Monday as I was driving to my doctor’s appointment with my husband Mike, I told him I felt like a prisoner getting ready to hear I’d been sentenced to death row.

However, a death row sentences can mean years and years of life.

This isn’t true for some cancer patients. And sure enough, the words I heard were harsh. It had been so wonderful living over a year after my first chemo and radiation and feeling cancer free!

In the back of my mind I knew this cancer wasn’t merciful.

In June of 2011 I was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer, the rarest and deadliest of the breast cancers.  In the first six months, 50% lose their lives from it.  My first check up after the mastectomy, there were no cancer cells found in the breast or the lymph nodes they’d removed. .

I was elated!

The chemo had been brutal, leaving me with severe neuropathy in my feet and a little in my fingers. I can still walk, but I can fall like a feather in the wind if I’m not careful. And of course, that was exactly what I did. So I took a fall which at the time didn’t seem so bad. But the fall was over a year ago and I was having problems because of it.

When I went to the doctor recently, that is why I went. Not because I suspected the cancer had returned. One test lead to another, than another and so on. Last Monday I was told it’s in my liver, hip, a couple of nodes in my chest and my on my thyroid.

This was a hard pill to swallow. 🙂 (little pun) As my doctor said, “I was hoping you were Illustration of comic book explosion for your designone of the 10%.  There is no cure.”

Yes, those are really harsh words.

90% of the people who contract Inflammatory Breast Cancer with a triple negative factor will die within 5 years. I’m going back for chemo, but I don’t know if I’ll stay on it if makes things worse, which it can.

The moral of the story is; don’t pick up a book where the prisoner is lamenting his death sentence after brutally killing six people.The next thing you know, you could be ranting on your blog. Not that this is a rant, but it just seems an easy way to communicate the news.

One thing I discovered when I came down with this diagnosis, it’s hard to find people out there with Inflammatory Breast Cancer to talk to. So this is the first post on my new blog under the new category…Cancer Sucks!