Payton and I just finished cooking the catfish he caught this morning. Now he’s in the back yard feeding the fire pit twigs from the dead pine tree he cut down this afternoon…he’s kept me smiling today as I began to rebuild my blog.
I lost this entire blog the same day I posted about the return of my cancer. An omen? Or a fresh start? I’m smiling, but I don’t understand why. When I took Payton fishing this morning, my car stopped running on top of a very big hill. I had to call Mike and Corey, the car was towed 20 miles, when AAA only paid for 3. And I’m still smiling. That’s life.
Since I have to start somewhere…this is the post that crashed my blog:
Why hide the news?
I was reading the The Mansfield Killings by Scott Fields last night and became aggravated; not because of the author, but the murderer really burned me. It was a book I should NOT have picked up under the current circumstances.
On Monday as I was driving to my doctor’s appointment with my husband Mike, I told him I felt like a prisoner getting ready to hear I’d been sentenced to death row.
However, a death row sentences can mean years and years of life.
This isn’t true for some cancer patients. And sure enough, the words I heard were harsh. It had been so wonderful living over a year after my first chemo and radiation and feeling cancer free!
In the back of my mind I knew this cancer wasn’t merciful.
In June of 2011 I was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer, the rarest and deadliest of the breast cancers. In the first six months, 50% lose their lives from it. My first check up after the mastectomy, there were no cancer cells found in the breast or the lymph nodes they’d removed. .
I was elated!
The chemo had been brutal, leaving me with severe neuropathy in my feet and a little in my fingers. I can still walk, but I can fall like a feather in the wind if I’m not careful. And of course, that was exactly what I did. So I took a fall which at the time didn’t seem so bad. But the fall was over a year ago and I was having problems because of it.
When I went to the doctor recently, that is why I went. Not because I suspected the cancer had returned. One test lead to another, than another and so on. Last Monday I was told it’s in my liver, hip, a couple of nodes in my chest and my on my thyroid.
This was a hard pill to swallow. (little pun) As my doctor said, “I was hoping you were one of the 10%. There is no cure.”
Yes, those are really harsh words.
90% of the people who contract Inflammatory Breast Cancer with a triple negative factor will die within 5 years. I’m going back for chemo, but I don’t know if I’ll stay on it if makes things worse, which it can.
The moral of the story is; don’t pick up a book where the prisoner is lamenting his death sentence after brutally killing six people.The next thing you know, you could be ranting on your blog. Not that this is a rant, but it just seems an easy way to communicate the news.
One thing I discovered when I came down with this diagnosis, it’s hard to find people out there with Inflammatory Breast Cancer to talk to. So this is the first post on my new blog under the new category…Cancer Sucks!